Joanna's Blog - Visualising Week 4 Training
Hey, Bob here. You were expecting Joanna, right? Well, Channel training is all about 'expect the unexpected'! Joanna's a bit tied up this week, so given that this week's theme was Hogwarts, she's asked me to bring a bit of 'Bob magic' to the blog. Let's get the party started... #IamnotJoanna #BemoreBob
Saturday 23rd May 2020
It was great to be back on Swimmers' Beach with the fab DCT crew! Paul had a particularly fine beard as Dumbledore, whilst Storm was (a post-growth spurt) Harry Potter with shorts, Gryffindor scarf and glasses. Mandi and Emma were both in witches' hats and cloaks, with Mandi wielding a witch's broom. It reminded me of a recent video of a witch out for a bike ride, yet Mandi denied all knowledge of it. Did anyone else see that one?
"Bob!" came a cry and whistle across the beach, "No Bobbing!".
"Kev! How are you mate? Long time no see! Have you been down here much?"
"I was here the last couple of weeks. Jemima was here and mentioned you. Have you seen her today?"
"Jemima? Who's she? Is she the one from Liechtenstein? Or the Princess?" I asked, a bit puzzled.
"You know, the one who travels a lot."
"Oh, do you mean Joanna?"
"Yes, that's right, Susanna."
Baffled, I went to register with Northey, who was apparently wearing an invisibility cloak.
"So what have you come as then, Bob?" enquired Emma.
Joanna hadn't mentioned the theme, so I improvised and said that my DryRobe was a Hogwarts's students' robe.
"Oh yes, very good, Northey put Bob down for Slytherin," replied Emma. "We're having a bit of a competition and putting everyone in the Hogwarts Houses to win points. Northey, make sure Pavel gets points for his Harry Potter outfit."
Slytherin?! What have I done to deserve that?
Emma's briefing came and went in a bit of a blur as I was so busy catching up with Michèle, Michelle Jane, Antonia and Louis. Something was mentioned at the tail-end of "a strong breeze, might be challenging coming back from the wall" with an instruction that sounded like "No Bobbing!"
Number 1 queried whether or not Emma might join us for a swim today to which she muttered "Maybe, we need to keep an eye on Bob. It might be best to do that in the water."
What is Emma going on about?
Today most soloists were in for two and a half hours, with three for those who had been the last two weekends, and relay swimmers for an hour. The Aspire teams had joined us today too, so the harbour was awash with red, yellow and green hats. More swimmers to have fun with!
"Bob, we've missed you!" came the cry from the shoreline. It was Donatella, Catarina and Debbie. Debbie and Donatella strode in, but Catarina and I were having a great catch up, when Emma appeared:
"Bob, it's 09:05. Stop distracting Catarina and get in!"
"But, but, but..."
"Get in and get swimming!"
As Catarina gets in wiggling her hands about her head, I turn and throw my crocs back. Hitting Emma squarely in the forehead. Oops!
The first hour went in a blur. Midge, Storm and Michelle Jane were flying round the harbour, I stuck myself firmly in the 'value for money' pack, enjoying the bounce on the way back past the houses, the groynes and the purple palace of the Premier Inn.
"Hi, György. Has Kev passed you at all?" I asked as we reached the slopey groyne. György, who looked to be swimming on a treadmill, shook his head. Where was Kev?
On to the yellow ducks again, past the red and green buoys, still no sign of him on the second hour. At the wall, Wardy was waiting patiently. Still no sign of Kev.
"Think he might have got out mate. Something about an issue with his jammers?"
"Thanks mate, what time is it, Wardy?"
"11:05"
Oops, that was the 11:00 feed missed then.
"Got any snacks, Wardy?"
"Sorry, mate. Paul and Mandi frisked us on the way into the water. Something about there being a troublemaker on the beach this week."
Up by the groynes again, György was working hard.
"Time to get back, György, the 2.5 hours is nearly up,"
"Just coming, see you on the beach Bob." he shouted back.
"And where were you at feed time, Bob?" enquires Paul as I swim into the beach, "Storm was about to head out to look for you."
"Err, I was looking for Kev and sort of didn't notice the time."
"Have you been Bobbing again? Right, 15 Mandi minutes for you! By the way, did you pass György?"
15-minutes later as I climbed back up the beach, György appeared shuffling down Marine Parade, a DryRobe around his shoulders, mumbling something about getting stuck in the washing machine by the slopey groyne.
And Kev?
"Oh, he's in his motorhome. He got out early. Something to do with his jammers and not being able to swim properly. Storm and Dr Magic have both had a chat with him. Nothing serious but it sounds a bit delicate so Dr Magic is taking a look." explains Paul.
A sudden downpour clears the beach, so I catch up with my old mate, Craggy Edge, in Illy for a coffee instead.
Sunday 24th May 2020
"Right, yesterday we put everyone in Hogwarts' houses and awarded points for outstanding swimming," briefed Emma. "Gryffindor and Ravenclaw are neck and neck on 20 points each, with particular mentions for Dickie, who did everything asked of him and more, and was still bursting with enthusiasm, and for Donatella battled her demons doing more than she thought she could. Hufflepuff are on 10 points - they would have got more points if it wasn't for György's walk of shame."
And Slytherin?
"Slytherin are on about minus 20 points because of Bob!"
Kev looks quite chuffed. "Never mind, Bob, it's usually me they pick on!"
Emma continues, "Today, the soloists are going for three hours and the relay swimmers for one and a half hours. I know that some of you soloists have already done a three-hour swim last week, but the water is still quite cold and there's another good breeze. There's no need for heroics. Soloists, you'll get a feed after two hours. Miss it and miss out! And no Bobbing!"
"Hey Catarina, hey Harriet and Henrietta, hey Gillian. How did you get on yesterday?"
"Not bad... comes the muffled response as Henrietta (or was it Harriet?) and Gillian Topsy collapse into the waves together.
"So Catarina, what are your plans for this year?"
"Well Bob..."
"Stop Bobbing and get in, you two!" comes a cry from further up the beach.
Hurriedly Catarina and I kick off our crocs and get in. My crocs just miss Paul. I squint in the distant mass of red, yellow and green caps to see if I can see Kev. Where is he this time?
Again the first hour passes quite quickly. It's a tiny bit warmer and brighter than yesterday. There's still a strong breeze, but that just makes it more entertaining. "Yaaaaaaaay, this is great fun" shouts Mandi as we bounce up and down near the slopey groyne. György is nowhere to be seen. I thought I spotted Charles in the distance, but I wasn't sure. I'm not entirely sure what he looks like as he's always too cold to chat in the water and the rest of the time is under a pile of DryRobes!
On the second hour, I find Wardy at the wall again:
"Have you seen Kev, Wardy?"
"I did earlier, but not recently. Got any snacks?"
Suddenly there's a sharp whistle blast in my ear.
"Stop Bobbing!"
It's Kev grinning from ear to ear! "I've 'borrowed' Emma's whistle. Got any snacks?"
Realising that it was 10:30 and determined not to be late, we set off to swim back:
"Bob, it's 10:54, you're too early. The 'bar' doesn't open until 11:00!" shouts Paul
"But..."
"No buts, come back in six minutes."
Coming back six minutes later, Adrienne is in a huff as the feed is just CNP. "I can't believe that there's no Battenberg this season," she mutters under her breath and flounces back into the Harbour. Gillian Topsy is disappearing under the waves, Mandi is bouncing in them, and Harriet/Henrietta (no, I'm not sure either) is looking an interesting shade of pale green.
Feed over, there's just one more hour to go! Hang on though, where was Kev?
"Oh, I saw him hobbling up the beach at feed time, he looked uncomfortable, think it might be his jammers again. Something weird about something melting?" explains Mandi and shrugs her shoulders.
One more full lap of the harbour, a little 'bounce' by the wall, a little loop over by the yellow ducks and it was time to come in. "You're right on time, this time Bob" says Emma as I shout my number in. "That's five points for Slytherin".
My crocs, however, are nowhere in sight:
"Northey, have you seen my crocs? They were next to Catarina's on the far side."
"There were some right over there, but we didn't move them up when the tide started rising as we thought they belonged to another group."
"Is this one?" asks a drenched Paul, "I spotted it floating off towards the bucket."
"Minus five points for Slytherin," calculates Emma.
Hobbling up the beach on one croc, I spy Kev looking even more uncomfortable than my bare foot feels.
"What happened Kev?"
"Um, whistles, jelly babies, jammers. Bad combo, Bob, a bad combo." Dr Magic has done what he can...
Emma announces the results of the competition:
"Congratulations on another weekend of excellent swimming. I'm declaring it a dead heat and awarding almost everyone their Outstanding Water Legends (OWLs) awards."
Cheers all round.
"Bob, see me though. We may need to talk about some resits..."
