Week 5 already! Having missed a week, my last DCT session feels like it was an age away. Has everyone shot ahead in terms of progress? Will I be able to keep up?

Saturday 30th May

The beach crew were in white boiler suits, with Emma and Paul in matching black baseball caps and aviator shades. Northey claimed to be 'in plain clothes.' Several people were peering at a chalk outline of a figure on the pavement and pondering; I could have sworn there was the outline of some long, oddly shaped boots in it.... JET was in his chair but lying horizontally on the ground, with a magnifying glass investigating the shingle. A number of swimmers were also wandering about holding #IamnotJoanna signs. Eh? It could only be CSI week!

Suddenly Paul shouts: "hold it everyone, I think we've found her!" It seems part of the weekend's investigations was to investigate my 'disappearance'. Bob was being held in 'protective custody' (i.e. surrounded by a number of swim bags with Kinky Storm Boots and The Guv'nor in charge). Crikey, I'd better not miss another week again! Kev looked baffled: "But that's not Joanna, that's Jemima!"

Today was another glorious, sunny day, with a bit of a north-easterly breeze, so Emma briefed us that although the water was likely to be a toasty 14 degrees, the breeze might give us a bit of a chill on our backs. Alongside our swim today we were to be set an investigative challenge - soloists were to be told more at the first feed after two hours, with relay swimmers to be told more when they came in (except for those doing their two-hour qualifiers).

"I also have an extra announcement," declared Emma, "a little bird has told us that this week JET is celebrating a special big birthday. So we wanted to wish him a proper DCT 'Happy Birthday'. Altogether now..."

As we sing, as if by magic JET's wife, The Grange and Sylvester appear bringing across a beautiful cake covered in swimmers and runners, and we're all promised a piece "when you've finished swimming!"

Emma set me a five-hour swim today. Given that others were going for six and seven hours, this seemed light, but still daunting! As we made our way down the beach, Mandi was coaxing Christina Broccoli in:

"It's cold!"

"Christina, you can do this, just break your swim down into chunks."

"But it's cold!"

"Start with your first two hours and break that down: across to the yellow ducks, the red 'apple', the green 'apple', along the buoys to the wall, up to the slopey groyne and the 'Purple Palace', then the flats and before you know it, you've done a lap of a the harbour, then repeat"

"But it's cold!"

With Gillian Topsy on Beach Crew today, her place in getting in was taken by Harriet (or was that Henrietta?), who was struggling to stay upright. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw someone very familiar, arms aloft, inching their way in whilst muttering about the cold and sharp shingle, but their name eluded me. Who was it?! No doubt it would come to me mid-swim.

So we swam around the harbour building our laps. As Emma predicted the breeze was a little chilly on the back, but the sunshine was magnificent. Coming up to the one-hour and 90 minute marks, we could see Yellow Hats heading back towards the red and green apples. What would our challenge be? Grateful for something to mull over for the next 30 minutes, suddenly the two hours were up and I joined the mass of Red Hats gathering in the shallows by Swimmers' Beach.

"Right, your challenge before the end of the third hour is to investigate the disappearance of your feed" announces Mandi as she, Gillian and Paul hand out cups of warm water. "It's out there somewhere in the Harbour, off you go."

There are looks of confusion and horror as some realise that we've only had water this feed and there might be a danger of missing out on a treat next feed too. "It'd better be Battenberg," mutters Adrienne. Back around the Harbour we swim and swim. What are we looking for?

Just before midday, we spot Michaela Jane, Adrienne and Midge in pursuit of something. Drawing closer the little speck in the distance turns out to be Paul and Gillian Topsy in a kayak. We'd found the missing feed! We grab cups and marshmallows from a soggy Gillian who had "had a bit of a mishap" getting in the kayak. "Find us again in an hour," says Paul, fending off Bob and Kev, who were making a play for a second treat.

The fourth hour went quickly as we swam trying to keep one eye out for Paul and Gillian. I was sure I caught a glimpse of familiar flicked hand as a swimmer passed, but then disappeared out of view. Who was it? This time we found the kayak up nearer the yellow ducks with Michaela Jane and Midge in hot pursuit. Every time they got close, the kayak would edge forward, just slightly ahead of their pace, with Gillian wobbling precariously.

I fed quickly to get out of the way of an unhappy looking Michaela Jane, when it suddenly dawned that this was on my final hour! It seemed to fly by - the cold bits by the wall were still chilly, the stretch by the slopey groyne and the Purple Palace interminable, yet progress was being made and the water was definitely warmer now than a couple of weeks' ago.

"Another hour?" enquires Mandi, as I shouted in my number and squinted to identify my sliders amongst the vast array of 'shoes'.

"Not today"

"Are you sure? You could try for six..."

"Yes, I'm sure!" I respond emphatically. "JET's cake has been haunting me all around the Harbour; it's time for cake now!"

Having got my cake and eaten it, Paul, Gillian and Mandi announced it was time to create an arch at the shore to celebrate those completing six hours. Great swimming by Michaela Jane, Midge, Kinky Storm Boots, Michèle, Adrienne, Harriet and Henrietta. Although I had to slip away at this point, reports came in that The Guv'nor had made it to seven...

Sunday 31st May 2020

Another stunning sky this morning. I woke up feeling a bit stiff and sore with definite goggle marks, and a fine hat tan from all the sunshine yesterday. Moving one arm seemed particularly painful until I realised that I had a long line of chafing under my right arm. Nice!

People were still puzzling over the chalk mark on the pavement above the beach. Meanwhile the mini-Storms and Mrs Kinky Storm Boots were methodically combing the pebbles, looking for evidence with Princess Dr Grace. More white evidence suits were being worn, whilst Northey was still in 'plain clothes'. Paddington, in a fabulous hat, arrived with Mrs Bear carrying a large box of what looked like marmalade sandwiches. "My friend!" exclaims Stéphanie catching sight of The Guv'nor arriving. "Six hours together today, no?"

"The water is about 14-degrees. The breeze has dropped a bit today, so it'll feel warmer on your backs. That's not an excuse to bob though!" briefed Emma looking around for Bob and Kev. "Those of you who were here yesterday will know how feeding works, those who weren't here, please come in at two hours as per usual and we'll explain all."

"Are you coming in with us today, Emma?" shouted Number 1.

"I swam yesterday," came the response.

"But I wasn't here then!" spluttered Number 1.

"It's too sunny for me today, sorry!"

Emma was in the water yesterday? Where? I didn't see her at all.

As we went to get in Harriet and Henrietta were looking very smart in new swimming costumes:

"New suits, ladies?" I enquired.

"Decathlon," came the response. "We get all our kit from there; we're their best customers. You should now be able to tell us apart more easily now"

Nope, still baffled...

I was down for another five hours today: however would I get round? Christina Broccoli and Donatella were reluctantly being coaxed in by Mandi, Adrienne, Michaela Jane and Michèle were muttering something about lack of treats yesterday while stomping in, and Mrs Kinky Storm Boots and Princess Dr Grace were already speeding across to the yellow ducks, straight arms flying.

The first two hours went by slowly. With the element of 'surprise' gone in terms of feeding, my mind kept wandering back to the chafing on my side, to my tired limbs and slightly chilly feet. I kept a look out for that mystery swimmer from yesterday but no sign of her today. What was her name and why was she so familiar?

In the third hour, I started looking for the kayak. Reaching the wall, I heard something behind me. The mystery swimmer? No, it was Paul and Mandi in the kayak; Gillian had been left on the beach "for her own safety":

"We're investigating reports of bobbing."

"Not me," I exclaim, swimming swiftly away before any treats could be forfeited. Twenty minutes later I found them giving out the feed:

"No treat again?"

"Isn't there any Battenberg?"

I gulped the CNP down and moved swiftly out of range as Michaela Jane and Adrienne made their feelings known!

The fourth hour ground on. It was taking all my mental strength to keep my arms going one in front of the other. The chafing was stinging with the salt water wash. I forgotten a spare costume too, so the same seams were rubbing over yesterday's marks. By hour five, I was swimming buoy to buoy, just focussing on keeping moving and holding my technique together.

As I staggered up the beach, there was a debate on going back at the shoreline with Kinky Storm Boots:

"We're late because we got the time wrong due to feeding off the kayak for the last three feeds," pleaded Princess Dr Grace and Mrs Kinky Storm Boots. "Please, it's only a marshmallow?"

"The food bar opens precisely on the hour for five minutes. You know that." Kinky Storm Boots was unmoved.

"But it's just a marshmallow!"

"Sorry, but we're shut," announced Kinky Storm Boots "You've had plenty of feed throughout the morning, missing a marshmallow is not the end of the world."

"But, but but..."

Reluctantly Princess Dr Grace and Mrs Kinky Storm Boots swim away, shaking their heads and muttering.

First #Bobgate, now #Marshmallowgate. Whatever next? #Joannagate?